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CHORDS:
SIb5 (x13xxx) MI5 (x79xxx)
LA5 (x02xxx) MIb5 (x68xxx)
SI5 (x24xxx) DO#5 (x46xxx)
INTRO
[spoken:]
If your ass is a Chinese restaurant I'll have the poo-poo platter
VERSE 1:
SIb5 LA5 SI5 DO#5 MI5 SI5
My friend Jerry Vandergrift kissed me in Home Ec. class
LA5 SI5 DO#5
Later in the afternoon some jarheads in the locker room kicked my ass
SI5 LA5 SI5 MI5
I said guys I'm like you I like Monster Trucks too
MIb5 DO#5 LA5
Wanna see how many push-ups I can do?
B5 [stop]
I just wish I was queer so I could get
CHORUS
MI5
Chicks dig guys that are
SI5
Queer guys that don't dig
MI5 SI5
Chicks that don't dig guys like me
LA5
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
VERSE 2:
LA5 SI5 DO#5 MI5 SI5
But if I were handsome just imagine how great it would be
LA5 SI5 DO#5
Incognito as a gay though but not actually that way though pseudo homo phony
SI5 LA5 SI5 MI5
Maybe it's a stupid theory or maybe just stupidity
MIb5 DO#5 LA5
But if I was a queerbee in the fashion industry
SI5 DO#5
Scoring with a super model would be easy
VERSE 3:
LA5 SI5
Cause 'super model' means voluptuous but also is synonomous with
DO#5 MI5 SI5
'super dumb'
LA5 SI5
Ya see I'd be a good listener so she'd treat me like a sister and
DO#5 SI5
soon I'd become
LA5 SI5 MI5
That trusted friend that cares that rubs her back and braids her hair
MIb5 DO#5 LA5
No it wouldn't be a week before I'm in her underwear
B5 [stop]
I wish I was queer so I could get
CHORUS
MI5
Chicks dig guys that are
SI5
Queer guys that don't dig
MI5 SI5
Chicks that don't dig guys like me
LA5
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
VERSE 4: [play like Verse 3]
Doesn't matter what I'm packin' in my denim it's what's in my genes
The only smoked meat the only sausage I would eat is made by Jimmy Dean
See I'm not to keen on the smell of Vaseline
No I'm not Princess Di and I don't wanna be a queen
I wish I was queer so I could get
BRIDGE:
MI5 DO#5 DO#5 SI5 LA5 SIb5 SI5 SI5 LA5 DO#5 MIb5
Chicks
MI5 DO#5 DO#5 SI5 LA5 SIb5 SI5 SI5 LA5 DO#5 MIb5
VERSE 5: [play like Verse 3]
Anyway if I were gay I'd have to change my name to Dirk or Lewis
Hang out with my mom's hair stylist his name is Kip he's got a lisp
he talks like this
And wear my mother's lingerie learn the songs of Broadway
And appreciate Depeche Mode and avant garde ballet
I wish I was queer so I could get
OUTRO:
DO#5
Chicks dig guys that are
SI5
Queer guys that don't dig
DO#5
Chicks dig guys that are
MI5 SI5
Queer guys that don't dig
DO#5
Chicks dig guys that are
SI5
Queer guys that don't dig
DO#5 MI5
Chicks that don't dig guys like me
SI5 DO#5
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
SI5
And I don't shave my heiny
DO#5
Don't shave my heiny
MI5 SI5 DO#5
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
SI5
And I don't shave my heiny
DO#5
Don't shave my heiny
MI5 SI5 DO#5
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
SI5
And I don't shave my heiny
DO#5
Don't shave my heiny
MI5 SI5 DO#5
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
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